Only in You

You found me when I hide from you

You loved me when I couldn’t

You chose me when I was choosing another

You broke me when I was building my castles

You fixed me when I thought I was whole

You revived my heart when a part of me had died 

You extended your hand to picked me up when all others had gone

You held me when I gave up the fight and in your arms I collapsed and you let me cry till heavens peace once again filled up my heart 

Poor and needy

Broken people
shattered lives
trying to keep the pieces together by believing lies
Empty words try to fill up the spaces
But they are still hurting, so broken inside

Oh  God let them see that it's You they need
Lead them to the cross where they can lay their burdens down
bring their pieces together as they fall down
Fill them with your Love, let it all pour out
May they whisper your name tonight or cry it out!


Philosophies, vanities, no moral right,
they have shut out the sun and live in a darkened night
fallen humanity rejects the Truth in Jesus Christ
the time to come to Him is now, because tomorrow may not arrive

I pray for you
I pray for you now
My heart aches for you to know the Truth and to see the Light
But until then my heart aches for you tonight

What does she want?

Relationships among women will forever baffle me. It's complexity is knitted  by a web of tangled misunderstandings, miscommunications, mistreatments, jealousies, hurt feelings and the need to feel loved and accepted by other female peers she wants to call. Friends.  So much maintenance has to go into these relationships because if you don't you risk being left out, loosing your place in the friendship or even loosing that friend all together because life wedged itself between you both and now you barely speak or make time for each other and someone is hurt; and a hurt women won't speak to you.

If you ask me: this sounds exhausting!

Trying to please so many personalaties and meet all these needs are just not possible, trust me, I know, I have discovered this the painful way!  I've had friends who have suffered through some rough seasons in life, and not to boast, but I have been there for them and with them through out their journey of pain, holding their hand and praying with them. But, when I fell into some hard times and needed to be given and shown that same compassion and love as I gave them they were gone and not there for me. This caused me lots of confusion and hurt feelings. After a couple of failed relationships and learned how fickle and selfish man can be.

 The constant walking on egg shells just isn't fun and it takes away from the whole point of having a friend in the first place, because a true friend shouldn't be so much work and worry and especially doesn't walk away from you and leaves you to rot when you have made a mistake or have fallen on hard times. It's true when they say, "You know your true friends when life gets rough".  Real friendships are the ones that see you through your pain, help you in your fall, love you in the bad and point you to Jesus.

I  like to think of myself as nice person.  I'm kind and giving, compassionate and aware of others feelings. I'm the friend that will drive to your house or answer your call at 2 in the morning if you needed me. I will take a bullet for a friend and bend over backwards to help someone in need. I will stick by your side till the end AND in the good and in the bad: I'm loyal till death. But, apparently it's not always good enough and you get dumped as a friend anyways.... (wua-wua-wua) .

But, what baffles my mind even more is when another women can't even answer the question herself,

"What does a women want?!"

A time to weep

Though your gone your still here with me

Every day I say your name

I  reach for you but its only an empty space

Times were rough and so many memories I want to earse

Let's remember only the beauty that was made

When I cry you wipe away my tears and when I close my eyes I feel your strong embrace

You use to call me beautiful and were so proud of who I became

Remember daddy how I use to lay my head on your chest? I felt so safe

It still hurts to say your name

This pain is just to real and it's just to much pain 

will this ever heal?

I just can't beleive that you are really gone 

And even though we didn’t always see life through the same window none of it matters because all I want now is to just kiss your face and one more time lay my head on your chest 

I miss you daddy

I miss you so much

forever in my heart.....   

A time to start sharing

I usually don't write my blog out on a post, rather I hear them in my head all day long.  Within me lives a quiet voice, and it's that voice that narrates my own life right back at me as I live it out!  My experiences are quickly put into lyrical words so effortlessly it is as if my brain were breathing:

inhale life, exhale a story,

inhale feelings, and exhale a poem.  

My mind is in a constant state of thinking, analyzing, taking in human observation, and daydreaming. With so much activity going on upstairs I think my own mind had to come up with some kind of a method to organize and store all the story telling that goes on, so it created a "voice" (which actually is just me telling a story to.... well, me.  Ha). 

Often these mental blog are beautifully "written” out in my head. My stories usually have a good guy (a good friend) and bad guy (not so good friend), lessons learned and advice given,  seasons of facing adversity and falling, and seasons of  facing adversity and tasting sweet triumph!  I also like remind myself of my faith and I do a lot of talking with God because at the end of the day, the truth is... 

 I have no control over anything, but God does

I usually don't write this much and for that matter nor do I share this much!  But I'm hoping that will change, because lately my finger tips have been aching to write down more then just my poems, I think it's time to start sharing a little more of me and my story because maybe. 

Just maybe. 

My struggle with depression.

My adversities.

My mistakes.

My faith and testimony

Just may help you.  As I start sharing a little more of myself maybe you can identify with a small part of my story and perhaps a word or two I say may bless you.  

Derailed

I feel sick inside from the filth I must hide
 Guilt eats me alive from a truth I deny
Don’t ask me what I’ve done, because I won’t share
So many times I’ve tried to run and escape the torment inside, but am unable.
At war with myself and my faith has derailed
I need prayer, but don’t trust anyone enough to ask
It’s a fight for my life a struggle to stay awake
The scares in my heart tell the story of unforgotten pain